Why online dating does not work

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But sitting in the glamorous London restaurant nearest to his grimy digs, it seems like the exact opposite.

Laughter, music, the wet pavements, the warming glow of a candle on a table on a cold winter's night: the life of this great city roars on all around Julian Assange, but for him, time stands still.

Charity begins at home — or it should, even for putative royals. St Meghan would do well to note that the most successful royals keep their distance and their dignity.

However, to find meaning and truth in the role of a royal spouse is a mighty and difficult task. They embrace unfashionable causes, as well as headline-grabbing ones. It can easily corrupt and be corrupting, for it is not based on achievement or merit, but upon status alone.

This awful farce should end — but Julian is the only one who can do that. Just what we don't need, another brand-new Saturday night talent show on the Beeb.

Only this time presented by — hold me, mummy — Cheryl Cole. The former Girls Aloud star and sometime X Factor judge was spotted at London's Hammersmith Apollo taking part in a pilot for the BBC's forthcoming series, The Greatest Dancer.

With only one Sandringham royal Christmas under her pencil belt, she is barely a stitch in the tapestry of our nation's history.

Yet, already, she is behaving like a cross between Wilhelmina the Conqueror and Florence Nightingale.

Perhaps she doesn't mean to, but in public she frequently slips into glutinous actress mode, as if she were rather hammily playing herself in some future episode of TV's The Crown.

In the meantime, lovely St Meghan should put a little starch in her shirt and stop trying to be a legend before her time.

One night this week, I went to a Venetian-themed party in a London restaurant.

Prince Albert married not just a royal, but a head of state to boot, and, like Prince Philip a century later, found a way to make a difference through types of energetic philanthropy. Meghan's biggest gesture to date has been giving up her acting career so that she and her prince can save the planet together — or whatever it is that they want to do. Joined by a tieless Harry, they crash around, high-fiving, cuddling, rapping to order and generally getting down with the kidz.

Diana set the gold standard for empathetic royal wives who worked with spirit and style for good causes, while Fergie . One wonders who is advising this headstrong young couple and where their unconventional approach will lead.

There have been moments, little quiet moments, when I have begun to ask myself, who the heck does Meghan Markle think she is? Or to start believing that she can change the lives of troubled citizens merely by bequeathing a megawatt smile and a consolation hug around their luckless shoulders.

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